Have you noticed when you spend time with certain people, you feel smart, on the ball and performing at your best? Then with other people (perhaps those who you feel are critical or judgmental of you), you feel clumsy, ‘stupid’ and always messing up? It’s not your imagination. Researchers have evidence to support this!
I have seen many smart, intelligent ADHDers change completely when they get a new boss. They can be loving their job and excelling in their field; then with a new boss, they become almost a different person. Their confidence takes a hit and their performance crashes. They seem nervous and shaken on a daily basis. And it can all happen very quickly.
The 3 biggest reasons for this are if:
1. Your boss doesn’t recognize your strengths, and places a great emphasis on the things you aren’t good at. Usually, this is the ‘attention to detail’ things such as filling out reports and spreadsheets, etc.
2. They micro manage your every move. There are many ways to get a task done, and if you have ADHD, you are probably doing it in a way that your boss hasn’t considered before. However, if you are constantly being questioned and scrutinized, you start to question yourself and lose confidence in your ability.
3. They are never around. This is the opposite of being micro–managed. If you have a question or need some guidance you can’t find them. If you do track them down, they ask you to come back later because “now isn’t a good time.” And there never seems to be a good time.
The best types of bosses for ADHDers are those who:
1. Recognizes and appreciates your strengths.
2. Doesn’t micro manage your every move. They want the job to be done, but doesn’t mind how you get there.
3. Gives you room to be creative and autonomous.
4. Is open to you adapting the workspace to suit you.
5. Is worthy of your respect. If you admire and respect your boss, then you will move mountains to achieve anything.
6. Isn’t bothered by small things like a messy desk; as long as you are performing well.
7. Has an open, non-judgmental view of the world.
8. Is even tempered.
9. Is able to give praise when it’s due.
10. Enjoys their job and that their passion spills over to everyone they report to.
11. Offer some guidance, structure of framework so that you know exactly what is expected of you and when.
12. Has time for you and is approachable.
Of course, bosses are human too, and different personalities are part of what makes the world an interesting place. It’s also easier to find fault with others than take responsibility for ourselves. However, many times when there isn’t a good fit between ADHDers and their bosses, it eats away at your self-esteem, ADHD symptoms get worse, you struggle with your work and blame yourself. It’s no one’s fault; it’s just not a good match. Much like dating, not everyone is a good fit for you.
What could you do?
1. Think back to a work environment where you were really excelled. What qualities did your boss have? These are the qualities that suit. You can use this knowledge when considering a new position.
2. When considering a new job, do some investigation into who your boss would be, and what their personality and leadership style is. That is just as important as the job description.
3. Consider changing jobs. If you are in a bad work environment right now, it’s ok to start looking for a new job. Many people don’t give themselves permission to change jobs until they have proven themselves at their current one. However, it will be much easier to prove yourself in an environment that is a positive one. Plus, getting a poor review at your current job can do a lot of damage to your self-esteem.
4. If you had a boss you thrived under, consider contacting them ( Linked In is great if you have lost touch) and see if there are any opportunities for you to work together again.