Relationships makes us happier, healthier and give us a feeling of connectedness and belonging. Being in a relationship with the right person can even help ADHD symptoms.
Valentine’s Day is the perfect way to celebrate your relationship. If you are cynical about Valentine’s Day…do not simply dismiss it as a holiday made up by card companies. It is the perfect time to take stock of your relationship and see if there is anything you can do to make it even better.
Here is a list of articles and a book recommendation to create and keep happy, healthy relationships when you have ADHD.
1) The Secret to a Happy Relationship
Did you know there is a psychologist named John Gottman who can predict with 94% certainty if a newlywed couple will stay together? That is a pretty high percentage! The really interesting thing is that the behavior that results in the longevity of a relationship is something we can all implement relatively easily into our relationships. Intrigued? Learn more Read about The Secret to a Happy Relationship
2) The Power of Gratitude
It is very easy to take the person you love for granted. Darren Hardy, author of ‘The compound effect’ decided to write down something he appreciated about his wife every day for a year in a note book. During the year he found that he fell in love with even more because he was focusing on all her good traits.
Writing something down every day for a year, might feel like a big task when you have ADHD. However, simply telling your partner something you love or appreciate about them every day has a powerful effect. It can be as simple as saying, ‘Thank you for making breakfast’. In a surprisingly short space of time, recognizing and voicing your appreciation changes the relationship for the better.
Read about The Power of Gratitude
3) The Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman
Each person likes to show and receive their love differently. For example some people feel loved when they receive physical affection, others feel loved when they spend quality time together. Gary Chapman identified 5 languages of love. Everyone places these love languages in a different order. When you become aware of your love languages and your partner’s (they might be different) it allows you to fine tune your actions and then you both feel loved and cared for. It also takes a lot of misunderstandings out of relationships.
Learn more about The Love Languages
4) ADHDers Love to be in Love!
When you meet someone new, it is an exciting heady time. That ‘high’ is more pronounced if you have ADHD because of the increased amount of dopamine that is released in your brain. You might even hyperfocus on your new love, which is intoxicating for both of you. However, the new love phase does not last forever and when it wears away, life can feel ordinary and gray again. If you are a serial dater yet would like a long term relationship, here are 3 tips to help you transition from the exciting throes of first love to the day-to-day life of relationships.
Read about First love to Day-to-Day Life
5) Is it Better to Date Someone with or without ADHD?
This is a great question I got from a reader. If you have ADHD and have been finding that non-ADHD people do not related to your struggles, it might be tempting to think the answer lies in dating someone who also has ADHD. This definitely sounds logical. However, a happy relationship is less about ADHD and all about the type of person they are.
Read more about the characteristics to look for in a person.
6) Tips for a non ADHD Partner
Being in a relationship with a person who has ADHD isn’t always an issue; there are happy couples out there, where one person has ADHD and the other doesn’t. However, there are also lots of unhappy relationships too. ADHD characteristics can make a partner feel unloved, underappreciated and resentful.
7) 4 Keys to being in a Loving Relationship.
When Dr. Brene Brown studied human connection she realized that it can’t be viewed in isolation. Love, belonging and worthiness are all intertwined with the connection that Dr. Brown discovered in which there are 2 types of people. The ‘Whole hearted” type, have a strong sense of love and belonging, and the second type struggle for a sense of love and belonging. Many ADHDers fall into the second group as they don’t believe they are worthy of love, which can in turn affect the quality of their relationships.
To learn more check out this video