Maintaining a happy, healthy, long-term relationship when one member of the couple has ADHD is challenging. If you have ADHD then you might feel that you are disappointing your partner that you aren’t ‘measuring up’ to the standards they have for you. You might feel sad and frustrated that your partner no longer sees the good characteristics you have. Instead, they only see your less endearing dualities or what you forgot to do.
If you are married to someone with ADHD might feel you need to act like a parent or super coach, rather than an equal to keep everything on track. Perhaps you feel resentful that you have to do so much otherwise it would never get done. You might not feel loved or valued because small actions, such as, arriving on time or remembering birthdays rarely happen.
However, when you shift your perspective and focus on what you do like rather than what you don’t like a powerful shift takes place. You will remember why you fell in love and feel the joy and love of the life you have created since. Darren Hardy, author of ‘The compound effect’ decided to write down something he appreciated about his wife every single day for a year. He was grateful for the clean sheets she put on the bed, for a beautiful meal she prepared, how pretty she looked that day, her kindness towards other people etc.
At the end of the year on Thanksgiving Day Darren gave his wife a journal with all the things he had written. She cried and declared it the best present she ever had.
A wonderful thing happened during the year of gratitude. Darren fell in love with his wife all over again. Because he was focusing on the good things she was doing, he paid less attention to the things that frustrated him. He also noticed and appreciated the subtleties of her character. This new appreciation for his wife caused him to behavior differently towards his wife and so she responded differently to him. They had the best year of their marriage and it has kept getting better every since.
Darren started his journal on Thanksgiving Day and wrote it for a whole year. It took him 5 minutes a day. Would you like to start a Thanksgiving Journal for your partner? If a year sounds like a long time, why not commit to 30 days?
Another option is to simply tell your partner something you love or appreciate about them every day. It can be as simple as saying, ‘Thank you for making breakfast’. In a surprisingly short space of time, recognizing and voicing your appreciation changes the relationship for the better.
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