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There is a behaviour among ADHDers that I haven’t heard being talked about much, but itās actually quite wide spread. In fact, it’s so common that I have given it a name: Hibernation.
When things get stressful, ADDers retreat from life and…hibernate. They withdraw into the safety of their homes and don’t answer the phone, respond to emails or engage in any productive activities. They might do activities that calm them and block out reality, like lie on the sofa and watch back-to-back movies, hyper-focus on video games, read mindless novels, etc. This time isn’t pleasant though, because there is a huge amount of anxiety, fear and shame about the issues being avoided.
This video was originally recorded for The Untapped Brilliance Facebook Group… a group for positive and motivated ADHDers. You are welcome to come and join us!
Click here to join the Untapped Brilliance Facebook Group!
Unlike animals who hibernate in the winter months, ADHD hibernation is notĀ weather related. It can happen any time of the year. It is also different from being an introvert and taking time away from people to recharge your batteries.
The hibernation this article is about is triggered by a stressful situation that the ADHDer wasnāt sure how to handle. It is often related to a simple ADHD behavior, like sleeping through an alarm clock and missing an appointment. The trigger event itself might be small; however, the shame and embarrassment feels so great that hibernation seems like the only solution.Ā If the personĀ feelsĀ they let someone downĀ they love or respect, the greater the shame and the deeper the hibernation.
When the person in hibernation feels strong enough (after a few days, or weeks), or when life responsibilities leave them no choice, they re-emerge. They apologize to everyone they were out of touch with and feel completely awful about themselves. They promise it wonāt happen again both to themselves and to others.
If hibernation was a successful life strategy, I wouldn’t be writing this! However, it causes a lot of pain to everyone involved. And rather than making the situation better, the problems that triggered the hibernation in the first place have grown much bigger.
Not all ADDers hibernate…but if you do, here are some suggestions.
Create a Damage Limitation Plan
If you are prone to hibernation, itās unrealistic to expect it to magically stop, even though you really want it to. Instead, create a damage limitation plan. This is a plan that you create when you arenāt in hibernation. It includes the actions you will take to stop sinking into hibernation when you feel it coming on or limit the time you are there.
1. Talk to Someone
Share with another person about what is going on in your life. It could be a close friend, your ADHD coach, or therapist. This is the most important action, but is probably the one you will least feel like doing.
2. Actionable To-Do List
Write a list of actions that address the problems which scare you. Break each action into tiny steps, so that itās less overwhelming. You could even do some of the actions in the company of your trusted person.
These actions will mean facing problems head-on, which again are the last thing you want to do. However, by facing them, they will shrink back into proportion.
3. EFT
EFT or Emotional Freedom Technique is a great way to reduce your anxiety. It only takes a few minutes and is highly effective. You can follow this video and do it whenever you feel anxious. Go to:Ā https://untappedbrilliance.com/adhd-anxiety-strategy
4. Rescue Remedy
Rescue Remedy is a homeopathic treatment and is readily available in health food stores, pharmacies or on the web. It helps you deal with stressful situations by giving you a sense of calm and peace.
https://www.bachflower.com/rescue-remedy-information/
5. Hypnosis
Hypnosis helps to reprogram your subconscious so you can take actions on the things you are feeling resistance to. You can download them onto your ipod and listen as often as you need to. My favourite site is:
https://untappedbrilliance.com/hypnosis
and these are great choices when you are in hibernation mode
https://untappedbrilliance.com/hypnosisnoshame
https://untappedbrilliance.com/hypnosisprocrastination
6. Talk Kindly to Yourself
Pay extra attention to how you talk to yourself during this time. Be as kind and compassionate as you possibly can. No situation, no matter how bad it feels, is worth punishing yourself for.
All of these suggestions help you before or during your Hibernation. Use as many as you need, as often as you need, until you feel like your usual self again.
*There maybe affiliate links in this blog post and I may receive a small commissionĀ if you make a purchase as a result on clicking one of the linkāsā. However I never recommend anything that I havenāt personally used andĀ donāt āabsolutely love. You wonāt be chargedĀ anyĀ more by using one of these links*
Great insight, doc. Iād offer that for me hibernation has gone on a LOT longer than days or weeks. Months and even years for me.
For a long time I havenāt had the āforcing mechanismā I need to get myself out of hibernation. i.e. financial pressure, pressure from a family member, work/client deadlines, etc. A lot of people might look at me and call me āluckyā but as an adult w ADD, not having those pressures is a āwitches brewā for me. The fact that my children are teenagers now and no longer rely on me as a āstay at home Dadā, Iām sensing I might now be able to lift myself out of the slump! : ) Also, using an ADD coach now. : )
Thank you, again for the helpful info.
….and YES. EXACTLY! You nailed it that ADDers tend to be āgreat in emergency situationsā. I once suspected a woman was choking in a restaurant but no one was doing anything. I jumped up and gave her the Heimlich. Not sure if anyone else wouldāve helped but it was close. I was happy I was able to help her but felt bad for her poor husband. Talk about emasculating. Yikes!
This is me! Really 100% I’ve just gone through that period of exscape, laying on the sofa for (ashamed to admit it) a period of weeks and weeks just watching loads tv series and playing stupid games on my phone, avoiding life the best I can because it can be hard to deal with and just too much. But know I am just starting to face it all again and do the things I should have been doing (which of course are 10 times worse nowš). I can’t believe how accurate that is wow!
I actually just sent a friend an email apologizing for not reaching out in over a week- because I was hibernating!! The stress of dealing with daily life just becomes so overwhelming, and then when I try to do something like write my resume, or research ways to make money, my ADD def kicks in, and then Iām paralyzed with overwhelm!!
I do find I hibernate more during the Summer months because I feel like Iām expected to be out there enjoying all the sun & fun- living life, making the best summer ever for the kids, and itās all wayyy too much!!
And there is alot of guilt with hibernating- although I do try to accomplish things around the house, that way I donāt feel like a total waste of air!!
Well thanks for writing about this topic, itās actually nice to know Iām not the only one using this defense mechanism!
My husband says I have to try to leave the house today…š¬
This made me feel extremely normal, infact I laughed out loud when I saw this article; becuase I realized I knew exactly what this was referring to in my world! I knew that I hybernated becuase of stress – but never connected it directly as an ADHD symptom. I was diagnosed when I was 18 (33 now), however; nothing was really done about it. It just finally explained my acedemic world precisely and my social world. The last 5 years or so I have done a personal deep dive, study, research into how my brain works. Im looking forward to reading more about your blog and finding more of my tribe that understand the way I work/function. Self journy to understanding who I am and healing many fixed beliefs about how I show up in life.
Feel exactly the same!
W0w I always thought I was just weird like that I am 28 years old and got diagnosed 2 moths ago and I’ve been behaving like this for a long time. I hibernate regularly and always wondered why I do this …It didn’t cross my mind that it could be a part of my ADHD symptoms I’m so glad I know this now !!!
Iām 28 and recently diagnosed too and snap again I have always behaved and reacted in such ways as this and always just assumed Iām bonkers, š thanks for writing this comment itās warming to know that you are not alone.
Finding this article was akin to opening a door to a huge flashing neon sign! I have gathered much information on ADHD and this is the only one to discuss hibernation as an ADHD symptom. I truly believe that I have been struggling with ADHD my whole life and desperately want help. Where do I go for help? What is the first step?
Eye opening article! Iām 64 years old and deal with depression & anxiety. Just recently realized that ADD may also be a problem, have not been diagnosed. I have shut myself inside my house when overwhelmed as well as walking around stores āwindow shopping ā in a foggy haze. Would like to know who do I see for help with diagnosis & care. Thank you so much for this information, like so many others thought this behavior was just me.
This so fits patterns of behavior in my life. Thank you for defining this for me. I need to think about this for a while before I can address it.
I was thinking I was more depressed then usual and no interest to socialize unless it was work related. Work is my routine I feel happy working with young children but realize how much more I could do and how this hibernation is taking away my life more. Preventing me to go socialize even if I want to so badly I freeze donāt go apologize to friends and make up an excuse why I canāt or didnāt go. Hyper nation has kept me back from becoming the person I want to be limiting the potential I am smart enough to succeed in but my anxiety fear unorganized thoughts and extra effort it takes to be more successful is exhaughting. I also believe add people need the right job for them. There is so much noise movement organization communication fast paste business in what I chose and love as my profession. Early childhood Teacher. Goals I have I have not been able to reach now at the age of almost 50. Like finish my masters or passing state exam which I tried three times. Failure give up hibernate. The things I do accomplish are over complete planned three times with revision bc to oragize my brainstorming idea. I am blessed to have some assistance in organizing my plans into a smooth appropriate over planned successful pre k classroom. I really need to stick to my daily routine even more for myself even tho that is also best for the children. If I were to go back in time knowing what I know I would change my career Still working with children but in more of a one on one way. Like development screenings.or classroom design. I have to put so much extra effort into reading comprehending and communicating my ideas. But when my monthly plan and classroom activities and learning environment is seen and observed by families and professionals. They would never believe the time I need to put into it. I hyper focus on completeing my plans I over plan. And create what no one would think an ADD person could achieve in such a busy environment. Little do they know I have to go into hibernation. Mode to create my plans in quite so that means Iām working more hours at home unpaid taking time away from my family and free time. Right now I have not worked the entire school year due to being hit in a car accident. So what do you think I have accomplished. Studying for my license organizing a chore chart, looking into a badly needed ADD therapist Nope my wish would be to have a life coach not just medicine changes and add on medication for the depression
Anxiety mood disorder s associated with ADD.
Not being diagnosed as a child has prevented my in succeeding in elementary school throug out high school to have to work so hard and not know why and think that Iām stupid. But if I was interested in something in sports I would over achieve. Varsity soccer team. State champion in my horseback riding and creating an. Awesome early learning environment
I need to figure out some more about my add and technique to live a happy productive life.
Goal therepy. I heard cognitive behavioral therepy is good choice?
I believe now children can receive help earlier parents know about more resources there are for your child and meet your childās learning style with individualized activists that meet their learning style. Children may not suffer as many social issues and anxiety that often go along with ADD. Their education can be much more positive with family relationships and understanding how their child learns best teach them how they need to learn and they will have a much more pleasant school experience and possibly achieve more with out feeling dumb and not wanting to hybernated.
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Thank U from bottom of my heart. I found Im adhd at 59. I cant keep a job altho i excel at what i do. People stress me eventually i hyperfocus on 1 I believe to be the cause of this. To avoid confrontation or its just happened and i can’t deal…i walk out. Shut down. Examine life choices. Hibernate til paying bills buying food anything really is in dire consequences. 70mgVyvanse. 80+yr Dad supports me. When he goes I GO. Shamed myself whole life. Never understood me. Divorced. Celibate. 17yrs. Trying to cope. Daily. Tired. Not worthy. 24yrs in country on 10 acres. Beautiful! Serene! Pets! Ima recluse. Antidepressants no help. Been weaning off vyvanse since xmas. Sore body aches..racing thots..guilt.. mom died thanksgiving 2016. My son took inheritance split it equal 3ways. Mom said split 50% to u. Other split is 2 sons split their 50% between themselves?
Nope. Overruled. Been SHUT down since. Lost Mom & 2 sons that day. Nothing but dad in life -the only man to never hurt me. Im draining him and my burden of guilt shame unworthiness magnifies every waking moment. Psychiatric help? yes but been 1.5 yrs. Still broken! Moms stuff and mine combined into a hoarders nightmare. Barely a path. Every. Single. Day. Ive lost me. And easily slip into hyperfocusing on ANYTHING but myself. Hey how bout those chemtrails overhead..?! Its depression. Anxiety. Grief. Lost family. My joy is my animals. Nature. God. Staying Humble. Serenity. But I cant function a project or chore from A-Z. So quit trying. Yes Thank You for describing Hybernation. Had no idea U knew my life.
In hibernation mode right now. I am always smothered by the questions and concern āwhy do you do this?ā when i do emerge that I wonder why Iāve left my hibernation ācomfort zoneā Iām glad youāve addressed this behavior since it isnāt mentioned often, but is what feels to me like frequent and necessary ātime-outsā so I can process reality internally. This is ānormalā to me, but apparently not many people I know see it as such nor do they hibernate to such extents. Youād think if someone habitual hibernatior eventually other people would understand it as a normal behavior for them and it will pass as it does. Sheesh.
I’m from Brazil and ended up here after getting from a bad hibernation last week (I also have type 1 diabetes, so you can imagine what it can get to)
Thank you. This really fits me, I just went back from the doctor and calibrate my dose of all things and this really touched a thing. Keep it up
Omg, doesn’t everyone do this? Oh – nope they don’t. So it must be just me: cue unending stream of self critical thoughts sending me deeper into this downward spiral. Then along comes Jacqui and tells me I’m not alone. THANK YOU!!! Never connected it with ADHD before; this is so helpful. For me, I tend to hibernate by avoiding the communities where I have obligations; I might still go out and about but i’m kind of frozen, like a walking zombie, pretending to be a real person. The only answer I ever found was to talk to my wife and do tiny tiny things to address the issue with loads of support and direction from her. Spot on Jacqui!
This isnāt absolutely me and it brings back that sick feeling of when Iām going through it. Just happened this past Wednesday when I had missed two doses of my Lexipro because of a mixup between the pharmacy and my psychiatrist, the anxiety and depression was extremely overwhelming. It was hard for me to accept that I could not function without this medication. I was only diagnosed this past April at 58 years old although like all of us I knew I had all of my life. That was actually the brunt of many jokes, including my own. I as well have been through abusive relationships, and now live alone in an apartment. Thank goodness I live on 8 acres with the Appalachian trail next to me so Iām able to get outside and meditate . That helped but only while I was doing it.
Meant to say this is ABSOLUTELY ME.
Your post reached my email box today, as I’m struggling to pull myself out of hibernation mode. The biggest take away for me is being realistic about magically stopping the hibernation behavior, because at age 59, I realize I started developing this coping style as far back as grade school. Divorced (from an abusive husband)and living on my own since my daughter left for college last month, its even easier to go there and maintain the appearance of functioning only when I go to work.
I’m going to create a Damage Limitation Plan today – and keep a physical copy on hand, so when I’m feeling overwhelmed, and hate myself, I can say aha, I know what this is really about, and look at my plan and take at least one positive step forward.
Thank you Jaqueline. Your work truly helps others. I admire that.
Hi Judy! great job creating your Damage Limitation Plan..and excellent idea to keep it close to hand to make it easy to refer to!
This is ME too! Iāve missed days of work, all because I was going to be late, again, I could not face it and stayed home 3 days into the weekend. This has happened more than once. Iām 59, same story, just diagnosed in April although always knew…
Wow, what an eye opener! This is me, but I always attributed this behavior to CPTSD. This is good to know. I already use Rescue Remedy and it helps. Thanks.
Glad you have discovered Rescue Remedy Hele! Its the best.
If you stay in hibernation long enough sometimes the problem does go away :)Though it usually comes back to bite you later. I do this but never thought of it as part of my ADD – just thought I was weird. I shut down and just disappear until I have to come back out. It happens so quickly and brings on a horrible feeling. Most of my family and friends are used to it but I know it still hurts them and I know they worry more since I lost my husband. Great article and one that really hits home.
So glad you found the article helpful Laura!
I’m definitely a “hibernator” pretty much borderline recluse. In fact I’m in hibernation right now. I’m hoping that now that I know “all of these things” may because I possibly have adult ADHD I can finally get help.
I see hibernation as something so many people in east coast cities do when it gets cold too. We’re not as social. But I agree it’s often hard to tell when we are disconnecting due to life issues or if it’s the weather change.
Your cooler than you Know Jacqui!
Brooks
You are super cool too Brooks!!!!
This reads like my life story. I’ve done this so often for so long that I assumed I was agoraphobic. That’s when I was diagnosed with adult ADD. This is the first time I’ve ever heard of “hibernation” though, and I’m overwhelmed. I thought I was alone in this behavior, which only adds to the crippling anxiety and shame. Finding out I had ADD helped out so much with the lifetime of shame that came from constantly comparing myself to the functioning people all around me. But the “hibernating” routine has remained my hardest obstacle with the most painful results. Although the people in my life may continue to judge me as a failure and grow ever disappointed and frustrated with what they don’t understand, I will know I am not the only one. That’s invaluable. Thank you for letting me know that I, too, am worthy.
Hi Alison,
I use the term ‘hibernation’ because it perfectly describes this behavior pattern that many ADDers do. Like you they think it might be because agoraphobia, others think maybe its depression. And for some people that might be the case. But usually its not.
Always remember you are an awesome person. It doesn’t matter if you aren’t doing the things that people around you are.
Do you like to read? If so a book that might help you is ‘From Panic to Power’ by Lucinda Bassett
hugs
Jacqui
Thank you for this. I have been in hibernation without knowing or understanding it. I am deeply buried in problems I am trying to resolve. I hope I can use this information to un-bury myself.
Once I realized and recognized this behaviour of hibernation I embraced it, retired and moved to a remote island to live. It has been one year now and I must say it was the best move I’ve made so far. I even was able to stop the ADD medication and accept my limitations.
I am aware this is not an option for many people, but it certainly is something to consider. After all, not everyone must live in a large city which aggravates ADD symptoms rather than just providing stimulation that ADDers crave.
Most people with ADD/ADHD fear boredom so gravitate to the city. Little do they realize that your ADD mind does not stop whirling with a million ideas without external stimulation. Mine sure doesn’t LOL