Apr 27

Very early Sunday morning I was waiting in line at Montreal’s airport. Despite the early hour, the airport was crowded and the lines at each of the security points were the longest I had ever seen them. People were patiently waiting; however there was an older gentleman who became quite distressed as he realized he would miss his flight due to the slow movement of the line. He attracted the attention of one of the officials, however they merely shrugged unhelpfully. Then two European men in their mid 30’s went to the aid of the older man, they asked all the people in the queue ahead of him would they mind if he jumped ahead of them to catch his flight. Of course no one minded and the man went quickly through security.

I was struck not only by the kindness of these men, but also how assertive they were on the other man’s behalf. Being assertive is a good quality. It means standing up for what is important to you in a cool, calm and collected way.

We all have different levels of assertiveness, and they can vary within each person depending on the situation. Some people can be assertive looking after the needs of others but not their own. Some days you can be more assertive than others. Sometimes it’s easier to be assertive when you are with a friend as you have moral support. Sometimes you can be assertive about a particular issue, but struggle in other areas.

Having ADHD can make being assertive harder. You might not know if it’s “ok” to feel like this, whether it’s an acceptable feeling, or if it’s just you. You might feel you stand out already without drawing extra attention to yourself. Being shy also makes being assertive harder. The good news is that being assertive is like a muscle that you can develop and grow.

Having ADHD might mean you need to assert yourself more than other people. For example, a university student might need to talk to his professors to make sure his unique study needs are understood and met. A person in a new romantic relationship might need to explain how ADHD affects her to her new boyfriend, etc.

The benefit of being assertive is that life is more enjoyable and less stressful when you can rely on yourself to handle whatever comes your way.

So why not try the 30 Day Assertive Challenge?

The concept is simple. . . Every day assert yourself at least once.

The benefits will be huge. Start to notice how empowered you feel.

Here are some tips to help you:

  1. Start with service providers. For example, if you order a large coffee and are given a small coffee, assert yourself and ask for your order to be changed. They are “easy” because it’s their job to provide you with good service. Also, they aren’t part of your day to day life so if you are worried that you will embarrass yourself (you won’t but it’s a common fear) knowing you won’t see that person again helps to practice your assertiveness.
  2. If you are shy join your local Toastmasters. It’s a great way to learn to speak in front of people and be confident that you can be articulate when you need to think on the spot.
  3. Think about the area or areas of your life you are already assertive. There will be at least one. This will help to give you confidence that you can be assertive as you grow your assertive muscle.
  4. Notice and enjoy the benefits of the new, assertive you. You will no longer have to tolerate or “put up” with anything that annoys you. This leads to a much happier you.
Apr 25

What an exciting week it’s been. I spent the first part of it in LA for meetings. The weather was lovely, clear blue skies, sunny but not too hot. The hotel I stayed at was right on the beach and so I felt like I was on vacation. I took this lovely photo of the sun setting one evening.

On my return I had great news about the venue for my Book Launch. Its going to be held at Nicholas Hoare book store, on Greene Avenue on the 20th May. I hope you can make it. There will be cheese and wine and it would be lovely to say Hello to you personally.

Hugs,
Jacqui

Apr 24

Book Launch

Untapped Brilliance: How To Reach Your Full Potential As An Adult With ADHD

Wednesday, May 20

Cheese and Wine

Nicholas Hoare

1336 Greene Avenue, Westmount

514-933-4201

Apr 13

Tax Session

We are coming to the end of tax session here in Canada. It can be a stressful and anxious time, as people with ADHD usually don’t enjoy the tasks associated with taxes. Sitting down, concentrating, organizing documentation and doing mundane tasks through the year, such as opening the mail and filing paperwork when it arrives. These tasks are often thought of as boring and mundane. Even if your intentions are really good, there never seems to be enough time to do them.

The good news is that once your taxes are filed, the rewards are great. You feel empowered, happy that you faced your demons and can relax with a clear mind knowing that your financial house is in order.

A task is rarely as bad as you think it will be and this includes filing your taxes. One client had six months of letters from the tax man unopened. After adopting the ostrich’s “head in the sand” technique, two weeks ago he knew he would have to face the contents of those envelopes. He presumed the reason he was being sent letters was that he owed money. After mentally psyching himself up, he opened the mail to discover that most of the letters were general information, the type that is sent to everyone. However two envelopes were cheques for him from the government because he had overpaid his taxes the year before. He could not believe it and really regretted wasting all that time in panic mode.

Here is a seven step process to help you file your taxes and feel empowered:

  1. Contact your accountant and make an appointment with them. Don’t wait until you have all your information together. The booked appointment will give you a deadline and help combat procrastination.
  2. On a piece of paper, jot down all the paperwork you will need. This includes charitable donations, health insurance payments, rent slip, depending on your circumstances, any interest you earned on investments, income from your employer, etc.
  3. Go through your paperwork and find what you need. It doesn’t matter if your paperwork is in a filing cabinet, in piles on the floor, or in unopened envelopes. Don’t judge yourself. Simply gather it all together.
  4. Take one step at a time. Don’t get overwhelmed. If you feel like you are getting bogged down, take a break. When you return with a fresh brain, even a complex task seems more do-able.
  5. When in doubt, ASK! Don’t make presumptions (they are usually the worst case scenario and make you feel even worse.) If you are unsure of anything, ask someone who might know. A friend, your accountant, a bookkeeper. Never be shy to ask. Knowledge takes away fear or anxiety you might be experiencing.
  6. Visit your accountant and file your taxes!
  7. Celebrate!

Congrats on completing your 2008 taxes! But don’t sit back and relax yet. Follow these steps to keep yourself on track for your 2009 taxes and doing taxes will not be a BIG dreaded task again.

  1. Three months have already passed in 2009, so gather and record all the information for January, February and March that will make filing 2009 taxes easy.
  2. While it is still fresh in your mind, write a list of the documents and information you need and put that in a folder marked 2009 Taxes.
  3. Learn lessons from your taxes this year so you don’t repeat the same mistakes next year. For example, the man who didn’t open tax related envelopes (because he thought they contained bad news) has created a new policy to open all mail every day. If you open your mail, but leave it lying around in piles that are nearly as tall as you, your new policy would be to file your tax related material in an easy to find place
  4. Get a filing cabinet. They are relatively inexpensive, only take up a small space and are invaluable in what they offer you… lots of space to organize your important paperwork with no mental stress.
  5. Knowledge is power, so address any concerns you have about money head on. Read books, surf the internet, talk to people you trust. Develop your knowledge about money and  you will feel empowered.
  6. Have a trusted team of people behind you. Have an accountant, financial adviser, bookkeeper, etc., who not only has great knowledge and expertise of their subject, but also a calm, approachable manner. Someone who won’t mind if you ask a lot of questions and isn’t condescending in any way.
  7. If ever you fall behind, don’t worry. Merely start again where you left off with no pressure or self judgment.

Happy tax filing!

Apr 11

It is Saturday morning, 8:00 am, and I am up and about early as I have an appointment for my car to be washed and shampooed inside and out… all part of my spring cleaning. The garage has set out a lovely table, parasol and chairs on the patio so you can relax and wait. I am typing away, drinking tea with my shades on. But before I get too carried away with this summery image, I do also have my winter coat on, and everyone else is waiting inside!

Its Easter weekend, so HAPPY EASTER! Enjoy the long weekend!

Apr 6

Studying with ADHD

Studying when you have ADHD can be a frustrating experience. You try really hard, but you don’t seem to get the results that reflect the amount of effort you put in. Even if you write a great paper, you might forget the deadline and lose marks because of that rather than the content of your work. You might find it difficult to pay attention during a lecture, or procrastinate over preparing for your exam and then study all night in order to know the information you need.

Even if your university days are long ago, these tips will still be useful for you in your workplace and can be applied to preparing for a presentation or staying alert in meetings.

  1. Don’t compare yourself to anyone! We all have our strengths. The brain box in the corner might know the answer to everything, get As and have her homework in on time, but she probably doesn’t have as much creativity and imagination as you. Comparing yourself to others only results in you feeling bad about yourself because you see your weaknesses and not your great strengths.
  2. Lectures aren’t usually the best way for ADHDers to learn. You are far better in an active learning situation. However, when there is no other way, try these five tips:
    1. Take notes. They keep you alert and will help jog your memory later.
    2. Take a stress ball to class and squeeze it. Having something to do with your hands helps your brain focus on what is being said.
    3. Accept that your brain is going to drift off. When it does, simply bring your concentration back to the speaker. Don’t be down on yourself. The more you beat yourself up for not paying attention, the worse you will feel and the less you will concentrate. Give yourself a pat on the back for the 50% you did listen to, rather than the 50% you didn’t.
    4. Ask a friend to borrow their notes and photocopy them. Two heads are better than one.
    5. Ask the lecturer if you can record the lecture. Most will say yes. Then you can listen to the lecture again.
  3. Get into a routine with your studying. I know you might shy away from routine, but it’s a great way to keep on top of your studies and not get overwhelmed. It also helps that constant chatter in your brain about when to study, and stops procrastination. You might decide from 6-9pm every weekday evening you will study. In a very short time you will find that if you are doing everything else besides studying during this time it just wouldn’t feel right.
  4. Develop a “getting into gear” or transitional period that signals to your brain that you are about to start studying. Just like when you are going to the gym you prepare yourself by driving to the gym, changing, stretching before beginning to exercise, the same is true for studying. For example:
    1. Make a cup of tea; take it to your study area (bedroom, office, etc.)
    2. Write down your study objectives
    3. Plan how you will reward yourself after you have finished (call a friend; watch a TV show, etc.)
    4. Begin!
  5. Break big tasks into smaller ones. If you have a big assignment and find it overwhelming, simply break it down into smaller pieces. Suddenly this overwhelming assignment seems much more achievable. For example:
    1. Write assignment plan
      1. Introduction
      2. Point 1
      3. Point 2
      4. Point 3
      5. Conclusion
    2. Flesh out the plan
    3. Complete rough draft
    4. Complete final draft
    5. Hand in to teacher
    6. Celebrate
  6. Noise or no noise. Some people with ADHD have to have some background noise (usually music) while they are studying. Others like complete silence. Which one are you? If you enjoy music, that is easy to accommodate. Complete silence is a little trickier, but libraries are quiet places. Possibly your home, depending on your living situation. You could also investigate headphones or even a white noice machine that will block out sound.
  7. Active learning not only makes studying a lot more interesting, it also helps you remember the information. Here are a few ways to experiment with active learning:
    1. When you are reading, ask yourself questions and try to find the answer in the text.
    2. Link it to information you already know.
    3. Summarize what you just learned to a friend, or even your dog. Just by trying to articulate what you learned will help you to realize if you know what you just read about, or if you need to go over it again.
    4. Draw a mind map. Mind maps can be a great tool to organize your information. Tony Buzzard has many great tips on how to create and use mind maps at http://www.buzanworld.com/Mind_Maps.htm.
  8. Break your study time down into small chunks. 30 minutes works well for me. Some people find that too long and prefer chunks of 20 minutes. Others can concentrate for 40 minutes. Knowing that the timer is ticking away helps you to concentrate on the task at hand. When the timer rings, stretch, take a bathroom break and go back for your next timed study period.
  9. The first 10 to 15 minutes of private study are always the hardest. Break through that and you will find that you are in the study groove.
  10. Reward yourself! A lot. You get rewards for studying for the time you set yourself, or handing a paper in on time, for sitting a test. Rewards will vary depending on the task and what you consider a reward, but your brain really loves to know that at the end of all the hard work there is a reward waiting!

Apr 3

Today was 17 degrees outside. The sky was clear blue and the snow that is left is melting fast. Not having listened to the weather forecast I was definitely overdressed in my winter coat, but it’s a good problem to have.