The ADHD Valentine’s Day Resource List

Relationships makes us happier, healthier and give us a feeling of connectedness and belonging. Being in a relationship with the right person can even help ADHD symptoms.

Valentine’s Day is the perfect way to celebrate your relationship.  If you are cynical about Valentine’s Day…do not simply dismiss it as a holiday made up by card companies. It is the perfect time to take stock of your relationship and see if there is anything you can do to make it even better. [Read more…]

Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder

This week, rather than an article I wanted to show you a video.

The title is Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder, however it gives an insight into what life is like when you have ADHD regardless of your age. After you have watched it, send it some of the closest people in your life so they can get an understanding of what it’s like to have Adult ADHD.

 

Living with ADD can be challenging and no one wants to use having ADHD as an excuse. However, when your loved ones get even a glimpse of how your mind works, it helps them to understand why you operate the way you do. They can appreciate that you are trying hard, even if you don’t produce the results they hoped for. That understanding goes a long way in every relationship, whether life partner, best friend or family member or co-worker. 

Remember too, there are lots of ways to help minimize your unwanted aspects of ADHD. Untapped Brilliance, How to Reach your full potential is a great place to start.

Whole Hearted ADHD

Dr. Brene Brown studied human connection for over 6 years. During that time she realized that connection isn’t something that can be studied in isolation. Love, belonging and worthiness are all intertwined with the connection Dr. Brown discovered there are 2 types of people with them.

The first type she named ‘The whole hearted” These people have a strong sense of love and belonging . The second type struggle for a sense of love and belonging.

Interestingly the difference between the 2 groups is that people who have a strong sense of love and belong BELIEVE they are worthy of love and belonging.

Adults with ADHD are exceptional sensitive, kind, and emotional open people. However often, because of rejections and hurts starting all the way back to kindergarten, they often  don’t believe they are worth love and feel disconnected from those around them. This can lead to loneliness, depression,and low self esteem.

Since human connection gives our life meaning, keeps us sane, happy, health and is the vital for meaningful relationships, its worth learning the commonalities that the ‘whole hearted’ people have.

Watch the video here:

 

1. The Courage to Be Imperfect

They let people ‘see’ them, warts and all. Very often we try to hide what we consider to be our imperfections. Yet despite our best efforts, people can see who we really are. Its tiring to keeping the facade up, and it puts a barrier up between you can those around you, because you don’t want people to get too close in case they discover the truth. 

2. Compassionate.

In order to be compassionate to others you need to kind and compassionate to yourself first. People with ADHD are really bad at being compassionate to themselves. They are so hard on themselves, the expect so much of themselves and when they don’t match those high standards, they become very critical.

3. Authentic

They let go of who they thought they should be and be who they actually were. This can mean we have to stop our ego from ruling us and start to listen to our bodies and hearts.

4. Embrace Vulnerability.

They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful. This is quite different from the common western thought pattern that values being strong and independent. Yet it takes tremendous strength and courage to put yourself ‘out there’ every day. You may find yourself feeling feel exposed without your armour on if you start to do this. Yet when you do this, you have the rewards of amazing connections with all those dearest to you.

Action!

Your actions this week are to watch the video and see what the message is for you. Everyone has a different big take away. Mine was that being vulnerable is a strength not a weakness.

What is your take away after watching Brene Brown’s video?

 

 

Falling In Love and ADHD

Falling in love and the first few months of a new relationship is a really exciting time. You feel like you are walking on clouds and have a smile on your face for no particular reason and want to run and help strangers on the street.
This wonderful high is even more pronounced when you have ADHD because there is an increased amount of dopamine released in your brain. Dopamine is the feel good neurotransmitter that is known to be low in ADHD brains. Because of this happy feeling, ADHD adults can be serial daters. They love to be loved. However, when the heady phase has worn off and reality of day to day life with your new love sets in, life is less exciting and problems start to appear.
If you recognize yourself as a serial dater, yet would like a happy long-term relationship, here are 3 tips to make that transition:

1) Keep it real.

It’s great that you have a new awesome person in your life. However, that doesn’t mean that every aspect of your life is suddenly magically transformed.  You still have to go to work, keep on top of the house work, etc. Sharing your life with a special person is a wonderful thing, but they aren’t the magical ‘fix all’ to all of your life woes.

2) Opposites Attract

Have you noticed that the very things that attract us to our partner are the very things that can drive you apart in the end? Someone who is open and loving becomes ’emotionally needy’ and someone who has strengths in organizing becomes a ‘drill sergeant’. Take stock of the common traits of the last few people you have dated. If there are recurring patterns, then develop that trait within yourself. For example, if you constantly find people that are super organized very hot, develop your own inner organizing side. When you do this, you won’t be so attracted to the uber-organized person that was problematic in the past.

3) Create a Wonderful Life for Yourself.

If you keep falling in love over and over again, it could be that your life isn’t full and exciting and so you look for the external excitement of the love process to provide that excitement. This then sabotages your efforts of having a long term relationship. Take a look at your life see what you can add or take away so that is fun and joyful every day, with or without a special someone.

 Do you love to be in love?