Your Inner voice, ADHD and you self esteem

1178168 abstract shape.thumbnailYour Inner voice, ADHD and you self esteemAdults with ADHD are highly critical of themselves and their achievements. If your inner voice is constantly telling you negative messages, this results in you feeling bad about yourself and your self-esteem is low. Start to pay attention to what your inner voice is saying. What messages are you telling yourself? Are you positive and encouraging or do your berate yourself and talk meanly? Usually how you talk to yourself is so rude that you would never talk like that to any other human being.

We want your inner voice to be your biggest supporter. Be positive, encouraging, reassuring and congratulatory. It’s impossible to catch everything you say to yourself as some thoughts are so fleeting. However when you are aware you have said something negative or mean to yourself, take a moment to counter it with a positive comment. Gradually, you will find yourself speaking more kindly to yourself and this has a wonderful ripple effect of how you feel about yourself and how you operate in the world on a daily basis.

A common ADHD symptom

A common ADHD symptom I see amongst adults with ADHD is low self-esteem. Self-esteem is related to how we feel and view ourselves. If we feel good about ourselves then it is higher than if we feel bad about ourselves. This self-awareness is part of being human. One of the ways self-esteem is shaped is from the messages we receive from the outside world, mainly the people we interact with. We then process these messages and in turn they affect our self-esteem.

When you have ADHD you tend to experience more criticism and “unpleasant” situations your life than their non-ADHD peers. These experiences begin as a very young child, through teenage years and into adulthood.

Low self-esteem can result in impaired academic and job performance, problems in relationships with the people in your life, anxiety, stress, depression, and drug and alcohol abuse.

The good news is that whatever your self-esteem level is right now, it can be increased! And with increased levels of esteem you feel more confident, happier, feel proud in your accomplishments and much, much more. Don’t worry, this does not mean you will become ‘big headed’ or arrogant. You will still be you, but an improved version of yourself.

Because self esteem is a common ADHD symptom and because increasing it is such a vital key to reaching your potential as an adult with Adult I have written a few articles to help you raise yours.

Below you will find links to all the articles on this blog relating

Your Inner Voice, ADHD and Your Self Esteem

Your Body, Self Esteem and ADHD

Importance of Focusing on your gifts when you have ADHD

Create the Right Environment

Interestingly when I start working with adults with ADHD their self esteem starts to increase almost straight away. Its a wonderful side effect of knowing you are now taking action on the issues that were bothering you.

Ten Reasons to Set Goals when you have ADHD

goalsettingTen Reasons to Set Goals when you have ADHD

Goal setting is a wonderful tool for adults with ADHD as this keeps you focused on what is important in your life.

Without goals your natural default position is to be fighting fires every day and you lose control of your time. Here are the top ten reasons to set goals when you have ADHD

  1. Setting goals puts us in the driver’s seat of our lives.
  2. Goals allow us to live our best life, since they encourage us to stretch ourselves and reach your potential
  3. You can accomplish much more when goals are set. Projects are completed quicker, and you can accomplish much more of them!
  4. Goals inspire us and propel us into action
  5. Setting goals is fun and exciting. It is exciting to think what is possible, and to challenge ourselves.
  6. By setting external goals, we also develop internal characteristics and skills, which stay with us long after the goals, have been achieved.
  7. Setting goals and reaching them increases our sense of self-esteem.
  8. Goals keep us going through the less interesting tasks. Even when a task is dull and tedious, we still feel the desire do it because we know it’s part of a bigger picture.
  9. Goals give our life clarity and meaning. They keep us focused on what is most important, and help us to minimize distractions.
  10. When a goal is achieved, nothing can beat the sense of accomplishment. We really need to enjoy the feeling and celebrate the victory, since we can draw on this wonderful feeling when we are working towards our next goal!!

Alternative Treatments for ADHD

1191452 lime flower 2   Alternative Treatments for ADHD

Are there alternative treatments for ADHD? Yes there are!

When we use the word ‘alternative’ the first question that comes to mind is ‘alternative to what?’ and in this case it’s the alternative to pharmaceutical medication.  ADD treatment without medication is a popular subject for many reasons.  For example, some people don’t feel comfortable taking medication on a long-term basis. Other people experience negative side effects to their prescribed medication and those negative effects far outweigh any positive benefits they experience.  Others want the best of both worlds and  combine alternative treatments for ADHD with prescribed medication. Whichever group you are in, alternative treatments for ADHD are highly effective.

However the word ‘alternative’ can conjure up some ‘new age’ images in your mind’s eye.  Yet there is nothing weird about the alternative approaches I suggest.
There isn’t one magic pill, potion, or lotion that solves all problems relating to ADHD. But, based on the work I have done with my ADHD coaching clients I realized there were 11 highly effective alternative steps that you can incorporate into your life to manage your unwanted ADHD symptoms. This then allows your gifts and unique qualities to shine through.

The 11 steps are outline in my ADHD book ‘Untapped Brilliance, How to Reach your Full Potential as an Adult with ADHD. They range from what to eat, why it’s important to get good quality sleep,  what exercise is the most beneficial for your ADHD brain, how to set goals that excite you and much more.. There, I promised nothing weird! The book not only outlines WHAT to do, but HOW to implement these steps into your life in an effortless and joyful way.

To get a free report outlining the 11 steps go to http://www.untappedbrilliance.com/ and simply enter your name and email into the box and you will be taken to the report straight away. Then you can start implementing the steps into your life and experiencing the benefits.

Practicing Assertiveness

Very early Sunday morning I was waiting in line at Montreal’s airport. Despite the early hour, the airport was crowded and the lines at each of the security points were the longest I had ever seen them. People were patiently waiting; however there was an older gentleman who became quite distressed as he realized he would miss his flight due to the slow movement of the line. He attracted the attention of one of the officials, however they merely shrugged unhelpfully. Then two European men in their mid 30′s went to the aid of the older man, they asked all the people in the queue ahead of him would they mind if he jumped ahead of them to catch his flight. Of course no one minded and the man went quickly through security.

I was struck not only by the kindness of these men, but also how assertive they were on the other man’s behalf. Being assertive is a good quality. It means standing up for what is important to you in a cool, calm and collected way.

air showPracticing AssertivenessWe all have different levels of assertiveness, and they can vary within each person depending on the situation. Some people can be assertive looking after the needs of others but not their own. Some days you can be more assertive than others. Sometimes it’s easier to be assertive when you are with a friend as you have moral support. Sometimes you can be assertive about a particular issue, but struggle in other areas.

Having ADHD can make being assertive harder. You might not know if it’s “ok” to feel like this, whether it’s an acceptable feeling, or if it’s just you. You might feel you stand out already without drawing extra attention to yourself. Being shy also makes being assertive harder. The good news is that being assertive is like a muscle that you can develop and grow.

Having ADHD might mean you need to assert yourself more than other people. For example, a university student might need to talk to his professors to make sure his unique study needs are understood and met. A person in a new romantic relationship might need to explain how ADHD affects her to her new boyfriend, etc.

The benefit of being assertive is that life is more enjoyable and less stressful when you can rely on yourself to handle whatever comes your way.

So why not try the 30 Day Assertive Challenge?

The concept is simple. . . Every day assert yourself at least once.

The benefits will be huge. Start to notice how empowered you feel.

Here are some tips to help you:

  1. Start with service providers. For example, if you order a large coffee and are given a small coffee, assert yourself and ask for your order to be changed. They are “easy” because it’s their job to provide you with good service. Also, they aren’t part of your day to day life so if you are worried that you will embarrass yourself (you won’t but it’s a common fear) knowing you won’t see that person again helps to practice your assertiveness.
  2. If you are shy join your local Toastmasters. It’s a great way to learn to speak in front of people and be confident that you can be articulate when you need to think on the spot.
  3. Think about the area or areas of your life you are already assertive. There will be at least one. This will help to give you confidence that you can be assertive as you grow your assertive muscle.
  4. Notice and enjoy the benefits of the new, assertive you. You will no longer have to tolerate or “put up” with anything that annoys you. This leads to a much happier you.