Falling in love and the first few months of a new relationship is a really exciting time. You feel like you are walking on clouds and have a smile on your face for no particular reason and want to run and help strangers on the street.
This wonderful high is even more pronounced when you have ADHD because there is an increased amount of dopamine released in your brain. Dopamine is the feel good neurotransmitter that is known to be low in ADHD brains. Because of this happy feeling, ADHD adults can be serial daters. They love to be loved. However, when the heady phase has worn off and reality of day to day life with your new love sets in, life is less exciting and problems start to appear.
If you recognize yourself as a serial dater, yet would like a happy long-term relationship, here are 3 tips to make that transition:
1) Keep it real. It’s great that you have a new awesome person in
your life. However, that doesn’t mean that every aspect of your
life is suddenly magically transformed. You still have to go to
work, keep on top of the house work, etc. Sharing your life with a
special person is a wonderful thing, but they aren’t the magical
‘fix all’ to all of your life woes.
2) Have you noticed that the very things that attract us to our
partner are the very things that can drive you apart in the end?
Someone who is open and loving becomes ‘emotionally needy’ and someone who has strengths in organizing becomes a ‘drill sergeant’. Take
stock of the common traits of the last few people you have dated.
If there are recurring patterns, then develop that trait within
yourself. For example, if you constantly find people that are super
organized very hot, develop your own inner organizing side. When you do
this, you won’t be so attracted to the uber-organized person that
was problematic in the past.
3) Create a wonderful life for yourself. If you keep falling in
love over and over again, it could be that your life isn’t full and
exciting and so you look for the external excitement of the love
process to provide that excitement. This then sabotages your
efforts of having a long term relationship. Take a look at your
life see what you can add or take away so that is fun and joyful
every day, with or without a special someone.
You might also enjoy the article The ADD Relationship
