Almost exactly 6 years ago, I left my husband. It was the hardest decision of my life and took a year of agony to make it. We had been together for 13 years and he was my first boyfriend. All my hopes, dreams, and plans for the future were entwined with him.

I placed a high value marriage and it wasn’t conceivable to me that I would ever get divorced. My grandparents celebrated 50 happy years of marriage, my parents 40 and counting. I thought I would be like them too.

But I needed to leave and 6 years after the hardest decision proved to be the best decision I ever made. I have a beautiful happy life now, one that I couldn’t possibly envisioned for myself 6 years ago.

There are MANY topics I could write in relation to this life event. However, as the 6 year anniversary approaches one of the scariest things about that time was that my short-term memory vanished, completely! I have been blessed with a great memory, so when mine vanished I thought I was losing my mind. I understood where the saying ‘brain like a sieve’ came from. I had to carry a note book with me at all times. That became my memory. It was full of lists (actions, shopping lists etc) and notes I had made during all my conversations. It didn’t matter who I was talking to, a lawyer or my family or friends, it all went in the notebook. Otherwise, I had no recollection of what was said. Also, the memory loss made me feel disorientated and activities that I had been doing for years like driving or taking a shower would take me longer. I had to talk myself gently through the action steps otherwise the ‘next step’ didn’t automatically happen.

As the emotional shock wore off, and my life settled into its new normal, my memory returned. But the memory of me losing my memory didn’t. Now, when I notice even a slight slip in its standard and I ask myself what is going on in my life? There is usually a form of stress in my life that I hadn’t given much thought to. Yet, the fact that my memory is reduced means it’s more upsetting than I had realised and I need to practice some TLC.

How does this apply to you? When someone picks up the phone to schedule their first coaching session with me, it’s usually because
they are under stress, their ADHD has become worse and they need help.

The ‘worsening’ of ADHD during stress differs for everyone, but it could be, memory becoming worse, disorganization, being overwhelmed, problems making decisions, problems with relationships, job performances, time management issues, procrastination, or a little bit of everything.

When you are under stress, whatever the cause, the negative ADHD symptoms do get worse. So here are 5 tips about what to do when it happens to you:

1) Develop coping strategies. Mine was to carry a note book and talk to myself (I realize that sounds strange). Do what works for you.

2) Know that you aren’t ‘losing it’. While it might feel scary at the time, this is only temporary. When the stress passes you will back to your usual self again.

3) Practice Advanced TLC. When you are going through a stressful time your body is being pushed to the max, and needs extra
special treatment to work the best it can. This means, eating tasty healthy food, getting extra sleep, getting emotional support from family and friends, doing gentle exercise and doing 1 simple fun activity a day, like reading a book or watching a movie.

4) Pay attention to your own body and what it’s telling you. My barometer is my memory.  But yours might be something else. Perhaps increased anger, or anxiety, or letting things that wouldn’t usually, upset you. When you notice that that is happening you can take action to avoid the cause and practice TLC.

5) Get some ‘Rescue Remedy’. This is natural remedy that calms and soothes and makes you feel less stressed
and anxious. Because it’s natural it can be taken by anyone.

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Emails can be a total pleasure and a total pain. It’s wonderful to be able to keep in touch and communicate with people all over the world. Yet, at times the barrage of messages can feel overwhelming and writing emails can become a full time job.
Here are my 12 top tips so that emails work for and not against you:

1) Have a set time or times in your day when you check your email. Don’t have your email account open all day; this is how emails eat up your day. Perhaps, two 30 minute chunks of time.

2) If you have to send an email with multiple topics, create a heading for each topic. It’s easier for you to write and easier for the recipient to read.

3) Keep emails short and to the point. ADHD adults are chatty and knowledgeable, but emails don’t need to be written as you would talk. By keeping them to the point, it will be will be much quicker for you to write and easier for the recipient to
understand.

4) If you spend lots of time on your computer and are a slow typist, take typing lessons. Learning to type is one of the most useful skills I have ever learned. It saves so much time.

5) Unsubscribe to email newsletters that are now longer interesting to you. They clog up your inbox, and become a ‘useful’ distraction when you have important things to do.

6) Be very careful what you write in an email. Any lawyer will tell you this. If it’s of a sensitive matter and you wouldn’t want other people reading it, pick up the phone and talk instead. Emails can accidentally get sent to the wrong people very easily.

7) Get comfortable with the delete button. As a polite person, I am sure when someone send you an email you want to reply. However, it’s not necessary to reply to all emails.

Don’t spend time reading those ‘funny’ emails that friends send out in mass.
They are a huge time waster.

9) If you find yourself answering the same or similar questions, create a ‘stock email’ for that question.You can personalize it, but, it saves you having to reinvent the wheel every time.

10) Email isn’t always quicker. Sometimes it’s easier to pick up the phone to communicate a point than spending time writing everything in an email.

11) Turn writing emails into a game. Set your timer for 30 minutes and have a goal of “X” number of emails to write in that time. You become more productive and enjoy a sense of fun.

12) If you have an email to write, but it is causing you anxiety. Set your timer for 15 minutes. Most emails can be written in that time. Knowing that any pain you are experiencing will be over in 15 minutes or less helps get the job done. Then give yourself a reward afterwards.

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