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Scared Your Good ADHD Habits Won’t Last?

Posted on October 28, 2011 Written by 4 Comments

 

After I have been working with a client for a little while and they have started to experience success, a strange phenomenon occurs. They enjoy the success at first “I can’t believe I am doing this!” They are thrilled, I am thrilled, but then they get scared. They don’t know if they can keep it up. They are in new territory as their whole lives they have been struggling with the basics. Like having an organized home, or arriving on time, or making time for projects that are important to them or exercisingregularly.

After a short time of coaching, they are doing exactly what they have always wanted to be doing. However, because in the past they haven’t been able to maintain these behaviors they get scared and fear this too will be a passing phase and soon they will be back to living in frustration.

This raises a few points;  First, if you really want to make changes in your life then it will happen. It might take a few starts and stops, but when you want something and you try different strategies until one that suits you a positive and permanent change will happen. It can’t not.

Second, your brain and self image of yourself has to catch up with the new you.

If you have always been the person who is late, who constantly arrives 30 minutes behind schedule, coat tails flying, with breathless apologies, there is an identity shift that has to occur. You are now the punctually person who arrives on time, calm, organized and confident.  After your physical behavior has changed, a mental shift has to take place to incorporate the new you. This might be a bit uncomfortable at first. To help this identity shift you can replace your negative chatter ” You are always so late’ ‘Can you ever arrive on time’ with positive and self talk such as ‘I am a punctual time keeper!’ This will help the new behavior become an integrated part of who you are much faster.

Third, it could be an ‘Upper Limit’ problem. In his book, ‘The Big Leap’, Gay Hendricks identifies the concept of the Upper Limit. We all have an inner setting that dictates, how much success we allow ourselves to experience. If we exceed that inner setting (for example, by changing our behaviors)  we get uncomfortable and so sabotage ourselves in order to get back to our comfort zone. Our individual upper limit setting is programmed in childhood, but can be reset. For example, when you are feeling good about your new behaviors, watch out for negative feelings or thinking as this is a sign you are at your Upper Limit and self sabotage could be on its way.

If you are doing well managing your unwanted ADHD behaviors, yet are scared because you don’t know if it will last here, is what to do:

1) Remind yourself this is a normal feeling
2) Remember positive permanent change is always possible, even when you have ADHD
3) Reinforce new behaviors with positive self talk
4) Be aware of the Upper Limit concept and get comfortable being uncomfortable with your new success as soon it will be comfortable!

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7 Great Reasons to Exercise When You Have ADHD

Posted on September 30, 2011 Written by 1 Comment

1)      Increases Productivity

Billionaire ADHDer, Richard Branson, says that on days he exercises on he has 4 extra hours of productivity. Perfect proof that time spent exercising is an investment not an expenditure.

2)      Allows you to focus on the task at hand

Try this experiment, next time you are sitting down trying to focus on a task, but just can’t. Get up and do 30 push ups or go for a run around the block. Now, sit down again. I bet you are able to focus and get that task done in record breaking time! This is because brain activities (like focusing and paying attention) are fed with oxygen and aerobic exercise increases the amount of oxygen in the brain.

exit7 Great Reasons to Exercise When You Have ADHD3)      Can replace stimulant medication

In his book, Spark: The revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain, Dr John Ratey, says exercise can be a substitute for stimulant medication for some people or a complementary treatment for others.

4)      Reduces Depression

There is amount of research showing that exercise is very effective in treating mild to moderate depression. As one out of four ADHD adults suffer with depression, this is a great reason to pop on your sneakers.

5)      Helps anxiety

Anxiety is helped by exercise both immediately and in the long term. This is great to know since 50 percent of adults with ADHD also have an anxiety disorder.

6)      Improves learning and Academic results

When a school in Naperville included daily exercise in their students curriculum weight loss problems went down and Academic achievements up.

7)      Aids sleep

Getting regular exercise improves the quality of sleep, helps you fall asleep quickly when you climb into bed and reduces sleepiness during the day.

 

Check out another article about ADHD and Exercise… http://untappedbrilliance.com/exercise-and-adhd

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Habits = ADHD Success

Posted on September 23, 2011 Written by 2 Comments

This week, lots of clients have talked about wanting success. Each had a different definition of success… a successful student, a successful business owner, have a successful relationship or be a successful declutterer …but, they all want to be succeed in the area that is important to them.

Success is always possible; all it takes is consistent daily effort.

Unfortunately, adults with ADHD often don’t trust themselves to carry out consistent daily actions because they haven’t been able to do that in the past and so they have lost confidence and faith in their own ability.

This where habits come in!! Since a habit is behaviour that happens automatically. If you create some habits you know that will lead you to success, then success while happen automatically!

It sounds quite simple doesn’t it? However, adults with ADHD can be very resistant to creating routine and habits because they feel they like to be spontaneous and creative and a habit feels restricting.

But, the reverse is true. The creation of good habits, actually gives you freedom.

It gives you peace of mind that every day you will do what is needed automatically without any brain work or mental bargaining. It takes 28 days to for behaviour to come automatic. For those first 28 days, the new behaviour might be a struggle or uncomfortable. But the rewards will definitely pay off.

This week:
1) Decide what area of life you would like success in.
2) Think what action would bring success, for example if you are student, 4 hours of study every day.
3) Start to do the action every day for 28 days.
4) Keep track of your actions on a calendar.
5) Notice and enjoy how you are moving towards your goals.

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ADHD Decision Making

Posted on June 3, 2011 Written by 1 Comment

 

ADHD Adults usually fall into two camps. Those who make decisions very quickly and those who can’t make a decision without lots of  stress and mental anguish. If you fall into the latter group, here are five tips to help make decisions easily and with confidence.

1) Build up your decision-making muscle. Having a hard time making decisions can be due to low self esteem. However the more you make decisions, the easier it will be for you to make them. Start with the small things (chicken or fish for dinner?) and then medium sized decisions (where to go on vacation) and before you know it the big decisions won’t be hard anymore. You will be decisive and confident in the decisions you make.

imagejacquiADHD Decision Making2) You can only make a decision based on the knowledge that you have at this time. It is not helpful to say two months or two years later, “Well, if I had known X then I wouldn’t have done Y.” That is the power of hindsight. If you have a tendency to second guess yourself, then write down in a safe place (journal, computer document) all the reasons why you reached your decision, and the decision making process.

3) For bigger decisions, like moving homes, use this technique. Project yourself a year from now and picture yourself in either scenario. Picture yourself in your new home or in exactly the same place as you are now. Which feels better? That is your answer!

4) Listen to your gut. Before you start to analyze every option in your head, using your traditional mind, listen to what your body is saying. Some people call this their intuition. Others a message from their gut, but that little voice or feeling is very accurate and the more you listen to it, the stronger the feelings or voice will get.

5) Whatever decision you do make, it is not “wrong.” Don’t beat yourself up and put yourself through mental torture if you made a decision and wish you had made a making much easier. So what if you think the fish looks better than the chicken you ordered? It might look nicer but it could taste horrible, and you can always order the fish next time.

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ADHD and Self-Esteem

Posted on May 28, 2011 Written by Leave a Comment
medailleADHD and Self Esteem
The term ‘Self esteem’ means to respect and have positive opinion of yourself. Your self esteem is entwined with your self confidence and sense of self worth. Unfortunately, adults with ADHD tend to have low levels of self esteem.
Here is a list of 15 things that having low self-esteem can result in:
3. Loneliness
5. Problems in relationships
6. Underachievement
9. Lack of assertiveness
10. Body image problems
12. Unable to ‘own’ your achievements
13. Feel helpless with no control of their life
14. Feel undeserving of being happy
15. Blaming others
Our self esteem begins to form during our childhood. The reason so many ADHD adults have-low self esteem is because their behaviour is different from the ‘norm’. Your high energy, impulsivity, perhaps poor social skills, was likely to receive negative
messages from the adults in your life. Rather than receiving lots of positive reinforcement that creates a healthy self esteem, you received negative comments which causes low self esteem. The good news is that it doesn’t matter how low your self esteem is, you can start to improve yours right now.

Here are five tips:

1) Replace your negative self talk with positive. After years of getting negative feedback you internalise it. The negative chatter in your head can be very debilitating and result in anxiety, constant worrying, and a sense of hopelessness. When you catch yourself saying something negative, counteract that with something positive or neutralise it. For example, ‘I can never do anything right’ remind yourself of some of the things you have accomplished. Or, ‘I still haven’t tidied my desk’ to ‘I haven’t tided my desk yet’
2) Set yourself up for success. Break your big goals into small very do-able actions. When you achieve them, give yourself a few minutes to enjoy that feeling of accomplishment and congratulate yourself.
3) Give yourself daily rewards. After achieving a task or tasks reward yourself. Make the mental connection that you are having this reward because you did____ task. This gives you positive enforcement. The rewards don’t need to be complex, watching a movie, seeing a friend, listening to a new CD are all great examples.
4) Take a realistic inventory of yourself and your life. Are there things that are bothering you? Are you a little over weight, do you wish you have a tidy and clean house? If yes, then get proactive and make those changes.
5) Break out of your comfort zone. Do something that scares and excites you. Go on a trip on your own, speak in public, do a parachute jump. Whenever you break out of your comfort zone, you grow and develop and your self esteem increases.
While most of these suggestions are based on actions and ‘doing,’  you are already an awesome person. When your self esteem is low, it’s hard taking that on board. So trust me on this one, you are a magnificent human being.
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Man Bag or Murse?

Posted on April 1, 2011 Written by Leave a Comment

manbag 300x225Man Bag or Murse?

Did you ever see the Friends episode where Joey starts to carry a bag that resembles a female purse? He is very attached to it and calls it a ‘Man bag’. While it’s a funny episode, if you have ADHD and male, there is LOTS to be said for carry a Man bag, or Murse (man-purse).

Of course, yours doesn’t need to be at all feminine. Whether it’s a stylish messenger bags, ruc sac, or brief case they all do the same job, which is to carry important items from A to B safely.It greatly reduces the chances of you losing important items, which is an ongoing problem of all ADDers and especially male ADDers.

What is it about a man bag that stops you losing things? It’s much easier to put belongings into a bag than stuffing your pockets on your trousers and jackets.
1) Items might fall out
2) You can pat your pockets, know they are full and think you have everything giving a false sense of security that you have everything.
3) You will usually have items that you have to carry in your hand that are too large for your pockets and when this happens the chance of losing things increases+++.

Another benefit is that having a man bag means when you leave the house, you don’t have to have a search for everything you thing you need to take as most things, such as your wallet and shades will be already in there.

Things to carry in your bag:
Wallet, phone, keys, shades are the basics. Depending on what you are doing on any given day you might also pop in your lunch, the book you are reading, your camera, passport, laptop, important documents, anything attached to errands you are running, such as mail to post.

WARNING!
DO  empty your bag at least once a week. You will find it gathers all sorts of random items, such a receipts, pens, half eaten chocolate bars. When your bag gets full of these items it’s hard to see and find your precious items at a glance.
DON’T use a plastic bag. It’s only a question of time before it is mistaken for garbage by you or someone else.

This week’s action is:
1) Buy your own Man bag! Chose one you love and will enjoy carrying.
2) Notice the peace of mind it gives you.
3) Notice the reduction of times you lose your important items!

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ADHD and FEAR

Posted on March 11, 2011 Written by Leave a Comment

fearADHD and FEAR

Anxiety, fear and worry, go hand in hand. Like anxiety and worry, a small amount of fear can actually be a good thing. It’s pre-programmed in us to keep us safe. When we feel fearful, chemicals like adrenaline and cortisol are released to prepare us for fight or flight and keep us save. What this means in the modern world is that we are able to perform to the best of our ability, perhaps in an interview or exam or performing etc.

However, some ADHD adults become paralyzed by fear and avoid at all cost anything that evokes that feeling. Unfortunately, when you avoid scary things your world becomes small and rather than keeping you safe from big dangers, your body has actually made you become scared of daily life.

In her book ‘Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway’ Susan Jeffers say that everyone experiences fearful feelings,but the people who are most successful feel the fear and continue on with the activity that was making them scared.

If you wait until you no longer feel fear about a certain action you will never do it. BUT,if you embrace it and do it anyways you will be rewarded by personal feelings of accomplishment and growth.

Scott James was diagnosed with a form of autism. He Developed a fear of people and spent most of the last 7 years at home. Despite this fear, he performed a singing audition in front of 2,500 people. Afterwards, he didn’t comment on his singing performance (which was amazing), rather the personal barrier he overcome. He said, ‘It’s the best feeling…A huge weight has been lifted, like I have won a battle with my demons”.

Click here to watch the video

This week:

1) Pay attention to anything you aren’t doing because you feel fearful

2)   Do it any way!

3)Give yourself a reward for doing it

4)Notice how liberated and proud of yourself you feel

5) Watch Scott on video and use him as inspiration.

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ADHD and Worry

Posted on March 4, 2011 Written by Leave a Comment

worry ADHDADHD and Worry

Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.  ~Leo Buscaglia

When you worry you repeatedly think of negative thoughts about a situation. Since the thoughts aren’t pleasant they result in anxiety. Like most human traits, a small dose of worrying is helpful. It prompts you to think of a possible situation and plan how to deal with it.  However, too much worrying sucks out the enjoyment of life.

ADHD Adults worry more than the average person, because they are smart and imaginative and use that imagination to conger up all these worse case scenarios. Besides not being enjoyable, worrying makes us stressed and physically ill. Worry is a habit and can be changed.  Here are your ADHD Coachs top 6 tips for combating worry:

1)     Use your imagination to focus on what you DO want rather than what you don’t want. Don’t think of your plane crashing, instead picture it arriving safely and on time, your suitcase on the carousel and your loved ones at the gate to welcome you.  Not only does this take away anxiety it actually makes you feel happy.

2)     Share your worry.  There is something about vocalizing your worries out loud that makes it shrink to normal proportions.  When you are worried there is nothing better than connecting with another person.  Plan B, if there isn’t another human being around, saying your worry aloud is still very helpful. It also has that shrinking effect. That is why worry dolls are so helpful (The picture for today’s article is of worry dolls).

3)     Write down everything you are worrying about on one side of the paper. Then on the other side, write down the action you can do towards each worry. Taking control over your worries and taking action is both empowering and freeing.

4)     Be present.  This can be hard when you have ADHD.  Yet, if you notice you are repeatedly worrying about if you locked the front door decide to get present when you perform this activity.  Notice yourself closing the door, putting your key in the lock, and turning it.  More powerful still is to talk aloud as you are doing it, sort of a running commentary.  Doing and speaking about the action at the same time helps you to remember that your door is definitely locked.

5)   Just focus on today. Don’t let your mind wonder into the future.  Most of our worries are about an event in the future and may actually never happen.  So by living one day at a time most worries can be avoided.

6) Take care for yourself.  I know I say this a lot, but by eating a healthy ADHD diet, exercising and sleeping well, your brain will be less prone to worry.

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ADHD and Procrastination

Posted on February 18, 2011 Written by 3 Comments
1152142 luckyADHD and Procrastination
Last week, the Internet access to my computer at work stopped. It stopped for no apparent reason and, was very annoying. However, despite it being annoying, and inconvenient it took me a full 7 days to get it fixed.
These were some of the excuses that were running through my head that stopped me from picking up the phone to get help:
1) The customer service people are rude
2) They will have to send someone out to fix it, and I can’t have a technician in my office when I have a client
3) It could be so complicated that there is no solution (this is my melodramatic reasoning icon smileADHD and Procrastination )
Finally today, I picked up the phone, and called the Internet service provider. I spoke to ‘Jason’ a very helpful technical expert who kindly explained step by step everything I needed to do. Within 25 minutes the Internet connection was working again. None of my imagined problems ever happened and of course, if they had they, I could have handled it.

I am still feeling happy hours later that everything is working again and am typing this with a big smile on my face.

Now, I know I am not the ONLY person to experience this type of procrastination! It’s a common theme with my clients.

So I am declaring this week, Blitz Procrastination Week!

Here’s what to do:

1) Draw a list of 7 items you have been procrastination on

2) Every day take action on one item

At the end of week, you will feel as light as a feather, because when you are procrastinating over tasks, they weigh heavily on you. Notice how when you have completed one action your energy level shoots through the roof, in a combination of relief and accomplishment.

After the 7 days is up, and you have got on top of your procrastination, try these additional tips so that your procrastination doesn’t get the better of you again:

1) Do one task you dislike first thing every day. This gets you use to doing things you don’t like to do. Get comfortable being uncomfortable.

2) Time how long it takes do to the task. You will be surprised how little time it really takes. One client hated taking his garbage out, and it was becoming an unhygienic problem. Yet when he timed himself, the task took less than 5 minutes, much less time than he imagined. In his head he had built the task up so much it took forever! Now, if he feels procrastination setting in he remind himself, it only takes 5 minutes. That seems do-able and he gets the task done.

Happy Procrastination bursting week icon smileADHD and Procrastination


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ADHD and Anger

Posted on February 14, 2011 Written by 5 Comments

 

lion statueADHD and AngerBefore writing this article, I looked up the definition of anger in the Oxford English Dictionary and what I found  was:
” the strong feeling caused by extreme displeasure”

However that seems a very delicate way to describe the intense emotions of fury and rage that engulfs an angry person and results in aggression and violence.

My personal experience of very angry people was in a hospital setting during my days as a nurse. Angry people are a little scary because of their unpredictability. You don’t know what they are going to do next, hurt you, themselves (e.g by hitting a wall) or both. In fact even the angry person rarely knows what they are going to do during this time.

Every day life, can evoke extreme anger in people, that is why there is road rage, fights, and damage to personal property.


Anger management is a problem for adults with ADHD for four reasons:

1) The impulsive aspect of ADHD means if you feel angry, you immediately express it. You don’t get the ‘lead time’ that a non ADHD person has even if it’s only a few seconds.

2) Low levels of frustration, mean that you experience frustration rapidly which can then trigger anger.

3) Mood swings,  ADHD adults can experience the whole range of emotions, from happiness, sadness,and anger all in the space of a morning. People with ADHD experience these mood changes more than a non ADHD person.

4) Stress, having ADHD is stressful. If your ADHD is unmanaged, you feel constantly overwhelmed and stressed.

Anger is a normal human emotion, and it can be useful. However, if you are feeling that your expression of anger is holding you back in life, or is becoming problematic for your relationships, here is what to do:

1.Walk away
No matter how hard, walk away from the provoking situation. The more you do this, the easier it will become. You can resolve the issue later. Because you have ADHD, your anger comes and goes quickly. So it won’t be long before you feel calm again.

2.Develop assertiveness skills
People that express anger, worry they will be taken advantage of. However expressing anger is just one way to deal with situations. Since the repercussions of anger are so devastating to personal relationships, assertiveness is a great tool to develop.

3.Reflect
The intense anger you feel, is unlikely to be a result of what is happening in the current situation. It is more likely to be due to an unresolved issue from the past, and the current situation reminds you of the upsetting past experience. You might need help from a professional to assist you to make these connections, but getting to the root cause can be very freeing.

4.Learn to express yourself
Getting angry is how you express ‘extreme displeasure’. However, you can learn to do that in other ways too. You will be pleasantly surprised how much you achieve when you are developing good communications.

5.Exercise
Exercise helps to dispel negative emotions. Exercise every day.
You might consider taking up a Martial art. Not only is it a great exercise, it is a great way to discipline your emotions and channel them in a controlled way.

Remember, experiencing anger doesn’t make you a bad person. After having an angry explosion, you might feel exposed, ashamed and mortified. Don’t dwell on these feelings to make yourself feel bad. Do however use them them as a catalyst for change.

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