Archives for November 2012

What If The People In Your Life Aren’t Supportive of Your ADHD Diagnosis?

 What If The People In Your Life Aren’t Supportive of Your ADHD Diagnosis?Being diagnosed with ADHD as an adult it is a life changing event. Like all life changing events, you want to share the experience and get support from your family and friends. So it can come as a shock to discover your nearest and dearest might not be very supportive.

Even though they love you, they say things like:

“You managed this long without knowing, why do you want to know now”

“I don’t believe ADHD exists”

“Well it doesn’t change your day to day reality”

“Of course, that was going to be the result that is how those people make a living”

These comments feel rude and hurtful. You might wonder why it would take being diagnosed would upset them, because they already know all about your behaviors and ADHD characteristics. All that has changed is the knowledge that those behaviours fall under the ADHD umbrella.

For you, getting a diagnosis helps you to understand why you are the way you are. For them, it triggers some emotions. Here are 5 common reasons why the people in your life aren’t supportive of you ADHD Diagnosis:

Your Parents

1) Parents feel guilty that they didn’t notice you had ADHD as you were growing up. Even though so much less was known about ADHD twenty plus years ago, however, the guilt is still there.

2) They love you so much they don’t want to think of their child as anything, but perfect.

Partner (wife, husband etc)

3) They don’t want things to change. Even though living with your undiagnosed ADHD wasn’t always easy, they know how to do that. Change, even good change can be threatening. They might worry you won’t need them so much in the future and stop loving them.

4) They think you will use ADHD as an excuse to get of your responsibilities and they will have to do
more.

Everyone, including parents, partner and friends

5) Scared of ADHD medication. There is lots of negative press about ADHD meds and some people get very scared that bad things will happen to their loved ones if they take it.

While it is upsetting that the people you love can’t be there for you during this new stage of your life, it does help to know that you aren’t on your own. This is a common reaction, however, don’t let stop you getting support. There are tons of ways to connect with others and learn about ADHD. Here are 10 suggestions.

1) Find a support group in your area

2) Join an ADHD Meet-Up group

3) Attend conferences, my favourite is CHADD’s annual conference.

4) Read or listen to books on ADHD

5) Listen/Download ADHD podcasts

6) Join online ADHD forums

7) Join ADHD Facebook groups

8) Hire an ADHD Coach

9) Work with a therapist who knows about ADHD

10) Find ADHD blogs and leave comments under posts you enjoy. This is a great way to connect with and share tips with other ADHD readers

ADHD Relationships: A Powerful Tip To Improve Yours

Maintaining a happy, healthy, long-term relationship when one member of the couple has ADHD is challenging. If you have ADHD then you might feel that you are disappointing your partner that you aren’t ‘measuring up’ to the standards they have for you. You might feel sad and frustrated that your partner no longer sees the good characteristics you have. Instead, they only see your less endearing dualities or what you forgot to do.

If you are married to someone with ADHD might feel you need to act like a parent or super coach, rather than an equal to keep everything on track. Perhaps you feel resentful that you have to do so much otherwise it would never get done. You might not feel loved or valued because small actions, such as, arriving on time or remembering birthdays rarely happen.

However, when you shift your perspective and focus on what you do like rather than what you don’t like a powerful shift takes place. You will remember why you fell in love and feel the joy and love of the life you have created since. Darren Hardy, author of ‘The compound effect’ decided to write down something he appreciated about his wife every single day for a year. He was grateful for the clean sheets she put on the bed, for a beautiful meal she prepared, how pretty she looked that day, her kindness towards other people etc.

At the end of the year on Thanksgiving Day Darren gave his wife a journal with all the things he had written. She cried and declared it the best present she ever had.

A wonderful thing happened during the year of gratitude. Darren fell in love with his wife all over again. Because he was focusing on the good things she was doing, he paid less attention to the things that frustrated him. He also noticed and appreciated the subtleties of her character. This new appreciation for his wife caused him to behavior differently towards his wife and so she responded differently to him. They had the best year of their marriage and it has kept getting better every since.

Darren started his journal on Thanksgiving Day and wrote it for a whole year. It took him 5 minutes a day. Would you like to start a Thanksgiving Journal for your partner? If a year sounds like a long time, why not commit to 30 days?

Another option is to simply tell your partner something you love or appreciate about them every day. It can be as simple as saying, ‘Thank you for making breakfast’. In a surprisingly short space of time, recognizing and voicing your appreciation changes the relationship for the better.

 

ADHD Productivity Tip: How To Stop Waiting For The 11th Hour To Get Things Done

How To Stop Waiting For The 11th Hour To Get Things DoneAs an adult with ADHD you probably wait till the 11th hour to start working on a project. Then with the deadline so close, you have no choice, but to sit down, focus and work on it. There is no time to procrastinate, get distracted, or wait till  you feel inspired, you just have to get it done. There’s a sense of urgency, you are racing against the clock, and you are doing what needs to be done. Even though you are pleased with your progress it is stressful. You aren’t totally sure you will  make the deadline; (even though you do) you work through the night, cancel social arrangements, and barely have time to eat. When you hand in the project, you breathe a sigh of relief, feel victorious and vow never to let that happen  again. You really mean it! However, when the next project is assigned to you, you feel it hanging over you, but just can’t bring yourself work on it…until the 11th hour.

This is very common when you have ADHD, and it happens whatever age you are, from students to 60 year old CEO’s.

One strategy (that rarely works) is to break the project down and give yourself little deadlines along the way. In theory, this is great; you definitely work well when you have a deadline. In practice, it doesn’t work; you know those deadlines  you made for yourself are not ‘real’ and don’t count.

However, there is a help, and it comes from Jerry Seinfeld.

Jerry realized he came up with his best jokes when he spent time writing every day. However, forcing himself to write every day wasn’t easy. So he created a simple system that would motivate him to spend 1 hour a day writing. On days he  wrote, he put red cross on a wall calendar. After a few crosses he became motivated to see the calendar fill with red. He didn’t want to break the chain of crosses so he kept writing. This strategy now has a life of its own its called ‘Don’t break the chain’.

‘Don’t break the chain’ is very effective for ADHD adults because takes emphasis off deadlines, that you might forget or procrastinate over. Instead it focuses on consistent daily effort. This might feel strange at first, but it really helps in   11th hour panic. It also gives self confidence because you know will be able to get the important things done.

Below are some tips to get started:

1) What one action a day would make a huge difference in your life? Jerry’s was writing, what is yours?

2) Print out your calendar http://budurl.com/8lpk.

3) Post it on your wall and put a red pen nearby.

4) You can use this method for more than one area of your life. However, for the best success rate start with one and you can add another after a month.

5) Good luck…and remember don’t break the chain!

The Email Game

One of the biggest workplace challenges for adults ADHD is email. The barrage of messages can feel overwhelming and writing emails alone a full time job. However, then you are caught in a Catch-22 situation. If you don’t spend time on   your emails then there is backlog, but if you do catch up with emails you become behind with all your other tasks. This balancing act results in being overwhelmed, anxiety, worry, procrastination and sleepless nights.

If this is you, don’t worry! There is a brilliant solution and it’s so enjoyable, email becomes like a game. Besides being fun, saving you lots of time, it also encourages you to take action on every email, either by replying (briefly and to the point), deleting, or filing it. This action based approach is great for ADDers as it stops your natural tendency to procrastinate and think ‘I will sort that out later’. Which of course, is why our inboxes have 1000’s of emails in them.

The solution is completely free and is fittingly called “The Email Game.” I have been using it for the last 2 weeks and I LOVE it.

There is a slight catch. It only works with Gmail. If you don’t have a Gmail account, don’t let that stop you! Opening a Gmail account only takes a few minutes. Then simply get your email from other accounts forwarded to the Gmail account.

It’s very easy to learn how to play and soon you will be “clearing out messages at a prodigious pace” (I got that quote from the email game itself)

This week give the email game a try and let me know how you got on.

Happy Emailing!!!