Archives for March 2011
This week, lots of clients have talked about wanting success. Each had a different definition of success… a successful student, a successful business owner, have a successful relationship or be a successful declutterer …but, they all want to be succeed in the area that is important to them.
Success is always possible; all it takes is consistent daily effort.
Unfortunately, adults with ADHD often don’t trust themselves to carry out consistent daily actions because they haven’t been able to do that in the past and so they have lost confidence and faith in their own ability.
This where habits come in!! Since a habit is behaviour that happens automatically. If you create some habits you know that will lead you to success, then success while happen automatically!
It sounds quite simple doesn’t it? However, adults with ADHD can be very resistant to creating routine and habits because they feel they like to be spontaneous and creative and a habit feels restricting.
But, the reverse is true. The creation of good habits, actually gives you freedom.
It gives you peace of mind that every day you will do what is needed automatically without any brain work or mental bargaining. It takes 28 days to for behaviour to come automatic. For those first 28 days, the new behaviour might be a struggle or uncomfortable. But the rewards will definitely pay off.
1) Decide what area of life you would like success in.
2) Think what action would bring success, for example if you are student, 4 hours of study every day.
3) Start to do the action every day for 28 days.
4) Keep track of your actions on a calendar.
5) Notice and enjoy how you are moving towards your goals.
Do one thing every day that scares you
Anxiety, fear and worry, go hand in hand. Like anxiety and worry, a small amount of fear can actually be a good thing. It’s pre-programmed in us to keep us safe. When we feel fearful, chemicals like adrenaline and cortisol are released to prepare us for fight or flight and keep us save. What this means in the modern world is that we are able to perform to the best of our ability, perhaps in an interview or exam or performing etc.
However, some ADHD adults become paralyzed by fear and avoid at all cost anything that evokes that feeling. Unfortunately, when you avoid scary things your world becomes small and rather than keeping you safe from big dangers, your body has actually made you become scared of daily life.
In her book ‘Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway’ Susan Jeffers say that everyone experiences fearful feelings,but the people who are most successful feel the fear and continue on with the activity that was making them scared.
If you wait until you no longer feel fear about a certain action you will never do it. BUT,if you embrace it and do it anyways you will be rewarded by personal feelings of accomplishment and growth.
Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy. ~Leo Buscaglia
When you worry you repeatedly think of negative thoughts about a situation. Since the thoughts aren’t pleasant they result in anxiety. Like most human traits, a small dose of worrying is helpful. It prompts you to think of a possible situation and plan how to deal with it. However, too much worrying sucks out the enjoyment of life.
ADHD Adults worry more than the average person, because they are smart and imaginative and use that imagination to conger up all these worse case scenarios. Besides not being enjoyable, worrying makes us stressed and physically ill. Worry is a habit and can be changed. Here are your ADHD Coachs top 6 tips for combating worry:
1) Use your imagination to focus on what you DO want rather than what you don’t want. Don’t think of your plane crashing, instead picture it arriving safely and on time, your suitcase on the carousel and your loved ones at the gate to welcome you. Not only does this take away anxiety it actually makes you feel happy.
2) Share your worry. There is something about vocalizing your worries out loud that makes it shrink to normal proportions. When you are worried there is nothing better than connecting with another person. Plan B, if there isn’t another human being around, saying your worry aloud is still very helpful. It also has that shrinking effect. That is why worry dolls are so helpful (The picture for today’s article is of worry dolls).
3) Write down everything you are worrying about on one side of the paper. Then on the other side, write down the action you can do towards each worry. Taking control over your worries and taking action is both empowering and freeing.
4) Be present. This can be hard when you have ADHD. Yet, if you notice you are repeatedly worrying about if you locked the front door decide to get present when you perform this activity. Notice yourself closing the door, putting your key in the lock, and turning it. More powerful still is to talk aloud as you are doing it, sort of a running commentary. Doing and speaking about the action at the same time helps you to remember that your door is definitely locked.
5) Just focus on today. Don’t let your mind wonder into the future. Most of our worries are about an event in the future and may actually never happen. So by living one day at a time most worries can be avoided.
6) Take care for yourself. I know I say this a lot, but by eating a healthy ADHD diet, exercising and sleeping well, your brain will be less prone to worry.