Archives for August 2010

Falling In Love and ADHD

Falling in love and the first few months of a new relationship is a really exciting time. You feel like you are walking on clouds and have a smile on your face for no particular reason and want to run and help strangers on the street.
This wonderful high is even more pronounced when you have ADHD because there is an increased amount of dopamine released in your brain. Dopamine is the feel good neurotransmitter that is known to be low in ADHD brains. Because of this happy feeling, ADHD adults can be serial daters. They love to be loved. However, when the heady phase has worn off and reality of day to day life with your new love sets in, life is less exciting and problems start to appear.
If you recognize yourself as a serial dater, yet would like a happy long-term relationship, here are 3 tips to make that transition:

1) Keep it real.

It’s great that you have a new awesome person in your life. However, that doesn’t mean that every aspect of your life is suddenly magically transformed.  You still have to go to work, keep on top of the house work, etc. Sharing your life with a special person is a wonderful thing, but they aren’t the magical ‘fix all’ to all of your life woes.

2) Opposites Attract

Have you noticed that the very things that attract us to our partner are the very things that can drive you apart in the end? Someone who is open and loving becomes ’emotionally needy’ and someone who has strengths in organizing becomes a ‘drill sergeant’. Take stock of the common traits of the last few people you have dated. If there are recurring patterns, then develop that trait within yourself. For example, if you constantly find people that are super organized very hot, develop your own inner organizing side. When you do this, you won’t be so attracted to the uber-organized person that was problematic in the past.

3) Create a Wonderful Life for Yourself.

If you keep falling in love over and over again, it could be that your life isn’t full and exciting and so you look for the external excitement of the love process to provide that excitement. This then sabotages your efforts of having a long term relationship. Take a look at your life see what you can add or take away so that is fun and joyful every day, with or without a special someone.

 Do you love to be in love?

 

 

Want to know an embarrassing secret?

Today I am admitting a really embarrassing secret of mine. I can actually feel the heat rising into my cheeks as I am writing this email even though I am completely alone with just my computer screen.

OK- here goes..

I fight clutter on a daily basis.

This wouldn’t be embarrassing if I wasn’t an ADHD coach who constantly advises and guides clients on decluttering their living environments so they can enjoy all the mental and emotional benefits of a clutter free space!

If you have been into my office in the last 6 months you know that I have 2 boxes to the side of the sofa where all my clients sit. Those boxes contain copies of my book ‘Untapped Brilliance, How to Reach your Full potential as an adult with ADHD’ It is an amazing book and has helped 100’s of people.  I love getting emails from people from all over the world telling me how it has helped them, or their spouse or friend.

The thing is, people like the Ebook version better.  It makes sense; the e-book can be downloaded instantly and doesn’t clutter the environment! It has everything the ‘real’ book has and a few bonus too. But it means those boxes have become permanent fixtures in my office

When I came back from my vacation, last week, I walked into my office with fresh eyes, and decided the boxes need to go …as do the piles of paper on my desk 🙂

So if you had an inkling that you wanted to read “Untapped Brilliance” and untap your potential with easy to implement steps to minimize your unwanted aspects of ADHD so that your gifts can shine through, now is the time! Simply email me at Jacqueline@untappedbrilliance.com with “How do I get Untapped Brilliance?” in the title and I will tell you how to get your own copy!.

Warmly
Jacqueline

ps. I have just counted and there 61 signed copies left.

Relationship Tips If Your Partner Has ADHD

Maintaining a happy, healthy, long-term relationship is not alway easy. Plus when one or both of you has Adult ADHD, there is a unique set of challenges. However, it is possible to have incredibly fulfilling and happy relationships where you both experience love and joy every day.

Here are 7 Do’s and Don’t for a happy relationship.

1. Do remember your partner’s good qualities. What were the characteristics that you fell in love with? Their energy, love of life, sensitively, kindness, adventurous spirit, sense of humor, love of knowledge, creativity, passion? It is easy to forget these things during day-to-day life. But these are the important things, because you don’t fall in love with someone because they have a tidy sock drawer.

2. Don’t internalize your partner’s actions and think their behaviour is because they don’t care or don’t love you. ADHD Adults are sensitive people and love to please the people they love. If they show up late, or appear distracted during a conversation it’s not done out of disrespect or lack of love for you.

3. Do inform yourself. Read at least one ADHD book so that you have some insight and clarity about what ADHD is. It’s a step that partners often don’t do, yet it will make a huge difference to your happiness and the health of your relationship.

4. Don’t get into the role of being the ‘super coach’ for your partner. It’s not your  responsibility to micromanage your loved one’s every move. This will make you both feel stressed and the relationship very uneven. You will feel like you have a child rather than a wife/husband.

5. Do sit down together and write a list of all the household tasks, from money management to putting out the recycling. Then decide who will be responsible for what task based on who enjoys or is good at each task rather than male/female stereotypes.

6.Do hire a cleaner. Arguments and bad feelings about household cleaning just aren’t worth it.

7.Do have a hobby or activity that you both really enjoy doing together. It will help keep you connected and having fun together. This in turn spills into all areas of your life.